You don't know, so don't act like you do.

I woke up at 1.45am, fully awake, sat up in bed, laid against the wall, place my knees close to me, and I stone. It was a tranquil moment, sitting in that position and just let my thoughts wander. Maybe it's because of the timing, maybe it's because I'm alone, or maybe it's just the atmosphere in the room at that point. All I could hear is the clock ticking and the fan spinning above. All these felt oddly comfortable, but then I sighed.

Am I happy?

I hope so.

Who I am in the presence of others VS Who I am when I am alone. There's a difference. I wouldn't call I hypocrisy, nor will I label it as a facade. This is just the way it is. Either way, I am who I am and I like it this way. Be true to others, and be true to yourself.

Don't judge me after you've read this. You won't understand, and I'm not saying that you should. Take it with a pinch of salt. We all have times that we just need to be alone. Once again, don't judge.

This reminds me. Each time we know that a friend is feeling unhappy, we will show our concern, asking him/her if she is alright and letting them know that we will be there when he/she does need us. However, how many times do we actually mean what we say? For me, I really do mean it if I ever told you that you can talk to me if you need someone for support. However, when I think about it, I realise that there's actually nothing much I can do for that friend if he/she comes to me. The max I can promise is to be a good audience. I'll listen, but when it comes to good advices, I'm sorry, I am unable to give you any.

Nor can I say things that are consoling. To me, no matter how sincere those words are, they will end up being impractical when it comes out of my mouth. It's like patting the shoulder of someone and saying "Things will get better". What makes you so sure that they will? What if they don't? What if that person believed in you but in the end, things still end up being screwed up? Can you be accountable for the false hopes you've given? Life is not a fairytale. We don't get happily ever after endings all the time.

Buuuuut, I still need people to give me that glimpse of hope. Albeit sugarcoated, listening to it a few more times will somehow make me feel that it's real. We live in a world that somehow needs us to lie to ourselves, intentionally indulging in the attitude of escapism.

"I hope so" doesn't mean that I'm not. Like what I've said, don't judge when you don't understand.

Absolutes are never true. Spot the irony.