生老病死

I used to go over to Gran's place every single Saturday. It was my favourite place when I was young and I look forward to my weekly catching sessions. Then, we grew older. We will go over to have lunch then leave the house to catch a movie hang out somewhere till it's time for dinner. And then, we grew even older, and busier. I hardly go over now.

A few weeks ago, Grandpa got admitted into the hospital due to a heart attack. He stayed there for 2 weeks and he got discharged last Monday. Then he got admitted into the hospital again and was only out on Sat. I went over to greet him when he came back. There he was, lying on the bed motionless and all he could manage was a moan. I don't even know if that was a response or is he simply in pain. It aches me to see him in this state so I quickly left.

We were told to be ready. He may just leave us anytime and honestly, I don't see how one can get ready for such things. I do make it a point to go back whenever I could now but what I can do is limited. When I'm over there, I can't bear to look at him. It only reminds me of how much he has aged and how fragile he is right now. Gone were the days whereby he could chase after me, grab my arms and scold me for jumping around on his bed. Gone were the days I try to converse with him in my damn chui Hokkien and he will laugh heartily at the way I try so hard to pronounce the words.

He has 50+ grandchildren and about 20 more great-grandchildren but he is the only Grandpa I have. Though we are not super duper close, it scares me to know that he is leaving very soon.

Then again, I will think about my Grandma. I don't even dare to imagine how is she feeling right now, knowing that she will be left alone when he is gone. I find it so so so cruel.

Putting that aside, I'm glad to meet up with ZR over the weekends. Been a long while since we went out together. Caught Johnny English again and sad to say, it's no longer funny if you watch it for the second time. Moreover the crowd was terrible. A whole row of primary school kids behind us and the guys WOULDN'T STOP TALKING. I hate it when people talk during movies. Don't ask me questions and don't comment on every single scene. Keep those thoughts to yourself and I will gladly discuss with you, AFTER the movie. Hahah okay kinda angst but really, those kids totally spoiled the movie for us =(

Oh ya and now I'm hooked on dramas again. So many new shows coming up! The Mentalist (omg love it!), Vampire Diaries (nice but too scary eh!), Glee and Gossip Girls. How to finish watching I ask you. I have yet to try HIMYM and I heard it's at Season 7 already?! Haha suddenly I thought of Supernatural. Was supposed to watch it with BFF (because I'm a humji kia) I think but I have no idea where is he now =(. And Heroes! Halfway through Season 2 with Steven but our plan to finish up with it is forever failing =((.

Kinda forgot. Hahaha on Friday it was Daddy's birthday! Made a birthday card for him (it's mad ugly but uhhh, ok la!) and we had dinner at Marina Bay Golf Course. Food was great, scenery was great and we could see a tweeny bit of F1 that was going on. Supposed to be a treat but I'm mad broke right now sighhh.

Hehe it's recess week! Study hard and play hard. Okay off to my project now! My group very chiong. Online meeting not enough they want to meet at 9am tomorrow. I shall be a responsible project group mate!

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It really warms my heart when my friends remember what are my likes and dislikes. The food I like, the drinks I like, my favourite colour, or even my favourite seat on the bus =)

It's gonna be a busy week ahead! 1 assignment, 1 project and 1 mid-terms haha but I can't find my mugger mode button =(

Try.

I have to keep reminding myself that I cannot look back no matter what. Each time I do, it's because I'm starting to have doubts about myself and if I still continue to ponder upon my decision, it's highly likely that I'll end up regretting. Can't possibly let that happen, can I?

Something is affecting me more than I thought it would and it's rather disturbing. Forgetting aint so easy after all, especially when I'm not even sure if I'm ready to let go and move on.

On a happier note, I'm excited! Gonna meet up with Steven, JIJI and Disney seniors we're going to KL!! For these few weeks I'm gonna study real hard. YAYY really looking forward to the dates!! =D

I need your support.

Life is all about choices. I've made mine, and now I guess you've made yours too.

Doubts...